You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
