I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
