Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
