the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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