I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
