My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize