My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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