matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
