we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize