I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
