And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
