she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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