Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
