I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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