This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
