Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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