The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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