So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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