thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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