i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
