Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
