so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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