Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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