I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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