One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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