Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Farmville is her only friend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
