Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
