its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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