OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
