So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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