the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
