I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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