Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
