he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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