Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
