tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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