Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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