Please, let me fuck your mom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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