OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
