I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
