we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i've created a new STD.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
