hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
