sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize