felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
