so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You left your phone here
Wait...
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