alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
