I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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