I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
