I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
