Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
