You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
