I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
