the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
