lets start a swedish sibling band together
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
