he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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