Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
