i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize