you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
