I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
