Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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