I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
