I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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