dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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