My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want to make out with him forever
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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