Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
