can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
