I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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