Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
