i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
