I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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