Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
