I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She even gives head with a lisp.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
