How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
