great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
