Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
