Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
