If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
