I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
