sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
