worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
