no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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