And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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