Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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