I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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