I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
