just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
