we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
