i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The Olympian is in my bed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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