I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
