I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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