she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
