maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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