Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
