WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
