Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
