Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize