so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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