is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
