I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
