TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
