Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
