I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
