dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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