Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
